MummyandWife

The decisions we make today, affect us tomorrow.

Am I Wrong?

Ok, so today I may need a bit of feedback from some of my followers because I would really like to hear your point of view.

I happen to have a very nice mother-in-law and as much as I appreciate her, at times we seem to butt heads. The thing is, I don’t like depending on anybody else except my husband but if we do need assistance, we can always go to her and ask and she’ll help as best she can. However, when it comes to our daughter, I know she’s our responsibility so I don’t ask anybody(including her grandparents) to assist because I like doing it myself.

Apparently this is a problem for my mother-in-law as she feels that we don’t include her in anything. Firstly, to me, even though she’s my family, my husband and child will always be first. Secondly, I don’t see how certain things concern her. For example, we went to register Keke the other day for school and this morning she’s telling my husband that we didn’t show her the booklist….I mean I don’t see that being any of her business so I didn’t and still don’t see the need to show her. We did tell her however that in the event of an emergency if neither of us can make it to pick K up that she may have to pick her up. She sees this as us needing her conveniently…. 

I’ve never shied away from my responsibilities and I always wanted to drop and pick up my child(ren) for myself so when she told my husband a couple days she’s gonna take vacation so she can take K to school as I go back out to work I was puzzled 😕. She then said my hubby told her I was gonna do it and she said if that’s how we gonna be moving she’s not gonna pick her up any other time…. brrr uuhhh ok then….. I then proceeded to tell her that the same way she says we make her feel a how, she also makes me feel a type of way because it’s my child and I shouldn’t have to feel anyhow because I WANT to do certain things with her… I mean at the end of the day she already raised her 2 sons so I don’t see the problem….. I get it! I get that she wants to be involved but like I told her, at times I feel as though she’s pushing herself into things before anyone even asks her.

I don’t ever assume that because my child has grandparents that I can just drop her off whenever and go about my business because they have lives too. Mums is also famous for ASSUMING. She assumes everything and half the time she’s wrong so that alone upsets me!! And she’s also quick to say we does do we ting and don’t include anybody(which I see no problem with because we’re a team(husband and wife) and we don’t need to include anyone if we don’t want too. All of this is why I would like to leave and get a place of our own, I cannot take people in my business, telling me what to do and if I don’t do things their way, is a problem! I answer to no one! But due to certain circumstances we’re there…. 

Plz give me some advice in the comments. I really look forward to hearing what you guys think. Am I wrong? Am I being selfish? I just don’t know and I guess I’m trying to find gyre out if I’m the only one like this.

One more thing… I’m a very funny person so I don’t really like K going out with anyone except her dad and I by herself that is. If we’re all going with the person it’s not a problem but when it’s just she and her granny or uncle I get worried. Again i ask… am I wrong? Am I over doing it? 

MummyandWife

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6 responses to “Am I Wrong?”

  1. Tikeetha T Avatar
    Tikeetha T

    Sorry, I’m late to the party. I am playing catch-up on my posts. I think that you and your Mother in law need to go out and have lunch and discuss it. I think she has to understand what you’re saying. She loves you and loves her grandbaby, but you need to remind her that you are the mother and it’s nothing personal. You want to be a good wife and a mother and you want the grandmother to be involved, but there are boundaries. Ask about her relationship with her mother in law and what role she played.

    About her spending time alone with your child, yep you’re overreacting. Unless there are signs of misconduct, child abuse or questionable behavior you have to let your daughter’s relationship with her family develop naturally. I love my grandma. My mom’s mom. My dad’s mom wasn’t around. I resented her for years for that. I have one son so I would be hurt if his wife didn’t want me spending time alone with my grandchildren. I am a mother. I am a survivor of abuse and I would give my life for my children and any future grandchildren so it would hurt my feelings that she felt that way. But, I would respect it. However, how will your child create a relationship with her dad’s family if you are prohibiting it?

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    1. MummyandWife Avatar
      MummyandWife

      I was hoping you’d comment😊. From what I know, she and her mother in law got along well. However, it’s not that I’m prohibiting her from having a relationship with them. My father in law died when my husband was young so it’s just my mother in law but the thing is, I’m a very fair person so I believe what’s good for one should be good for the other. With that being said, for the first 3mths of my daughter’s life we lived by my parents and then we moved and came up here. Hence she spends a lot of time with my mother in law and I don’t find she spends adequate time with my parents. Our parents have some differences so they aren’t all that chummy so my parents don’t come up here and spend any time and I can’t always go there as I have to travel and it’d be easier for them as they can drive. But my point is I do allow her to go out with her granny but my husband most likely wouldn’t allow her to go out with my parents unless I’m going too.

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      1. Tikeetha T Avatar
        Tikeetha T

        Oh, okay. Now, I understand. Let her spend as much time as you can spare with her grandma. Trust me. She’s creating memories and this will allow your husband and you some alone time to keep your marriage strong. She’s fine. Your parents don’t live close and I get that, but that’s not something you can worry about. They can visit. If not, it’s okay. She will be fine and trust me that you two need that time together. I speak from experience. I didn’t want anyone outside of my mother or sister keeping my son for the first year. Finally, his dad was like “Look, my cousin can keep him.” I was scared. Not that she would do anything, more than he didn’t really know her. But, those date nights really helped us to think about things beyond the baby. There’s nothing wrong with keeping boundaries, so just let your MIL know. She probably remembers how it was when she was a newlywed and a new mother.

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      2. MummyandWife Avatar
        MummyandWife

        Well she was never married but she prob remembers about the new mum part. But thank you so much for your advice, I greatly appreciate it! I’ll make sure and remember to have that chat with her though about boundaries.

        Question though: Do you think anything is wrong with me not wanting to include her or anyone else for that matter in our decision making process or even our problems?

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      3. Tikeetha T Avatar
        Tikeetha T

        Nope. You’re told when you get married to not tell your family and friends because they won’t be so forgiving. So, playing things close to your heart is important. But, I do believe that you two (you and your husband) should do counseling once a year even if it is a check-up to make sure that you’re both putting each other first and meeting the needs of each other. He’s first sis. It’s God, your spouse and then your kids. He has to know how important he is to you at all times. It gets hard with kids and add a career and other children and you’re bound to be overwhelmed, but you need to do a health check-up on your marriage.

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      4. MummyandWife Avatar
        MummyandWife

        Ok great. Will definitely look into the counseling.

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