The people that are the closest to me are the furthest from me….. if you know what I mean. The ones I expect to be there for me whenever I need a shoulder always seems to be nowhere in sight. I try to be there for people when they need me to be. I try to help people out of the goodness of my heart. And what do I get…..NOTHING!!!!
At times I just feel like bawling my eyes out!! I just wish there was somewhere I could go and scream to the top of my lungs because God alone knows how much I’ve wanted to do just that. I just want a way to let out all of my frustrations without a care in the world! Where are they??!! Where are the ones that are supposed to always have my back??!! Instead I have to rely on people that aren’t my blood…. but then again, family doesn’t always mean blood related.
I want THEM!! I look around at other people who have that and I want it so bad!! I don’t like the fact that I feel jealous of people that actually have it but I do. I tolerate the bullshit more than I probably should and I always keep quiet. It’s always what they want and I think by now it should go both ways. It should be a two way street!
Sometimes I feel like a bother to others and Lord knows that’s the last thing I want to be to anyone. I just want someone to listen to what I have to say. To see that I’m hurting so bad and just want it to stop. I don’t know what to do. I sit here writing this and I’m literally fighting back the tears that are filling my eyes because I don’t want to let these tears flow for anyone to ask what’s wrong with me…..simply because the ones that I want to talk to aren’t here.
Despite me saying that I want someone to listen to me, I’ve never been the type to just tell any and everyone my business. I have certain people that I talk to but as I said, I don’t want to be a nag to anyone and if I messaged or called already and you were busy, I’m not going to keep harassing you. I’ll wait for you to hit me up. If not then I keep it in! Like I always do.